Release me
by Rhaegal Nymeria Stark
Summary: Tonks's mouth was now next to Hermione's ear and she whispered, "I will never let you go." Hermione smirked. Yeah, right, like she ever wanted Tonks to let her go. For it wasn't Ron or Harry that was there for her to move on, it was her beloved Tonks.


Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and all its characters, you know the drill

Rating: K+

Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Hermione suffers from trauma after the war. Memories haunt her of Bellatrix Lestrange and the deaths that were committed at Hermione's own hands. No one can save her, but there's someone there to help her move on. Tonks/Hermione Angst, but a happily ever after in the end.

**Release Me:**

There were times when Hermione wondered when the nightmares would stop. Traumatic memory after traumatic memory would assault her as she dreamt, hoping for a peaceful night's sleep.

Of course, there wasn't even a moment's peace when one of the most terrible incidents in all of witch and wizarding history had occurred and she had been a part of it. The flashes of the spells flying everywhere around the Hogwarts castle, destroying the stone columns, breaking the glass windows, devastating the stone courtyard, and that wasn't even including yet the dreaded corpses all over the castle, or the bloody, gouging injuries almost every student and teacher had sported, were all still stuck in her subconscious.

There were times when Hermione would just wander around in the wheat fields around the Weasley's Burrow; an activity that she had done many times before because it made her feel at ease, and she couldn't even do that without remembering that there was one less family member for that wonderful woman, Molly to dote over. Fred's death had affected everyone; not just his brothers, mother, father and sister. Fred's friends, like Hermione herself couldn't stomach the thought of when they had all lost him.

She just wished these demons would get out of her head. She wanted to be free of the constant nightmares. The worst part was that she had killed too.

She still remembered the terrified looks in the eyes of those whose lives she had extinguished. Fenrir Greyback, one of the most despicable Death Eaters there was had writhed up against the wall as Hermione committed the most ultimate unforgivable act, the green spell emitting from her wand, killing the werewolf almost instantly. Fenrir was a monster, but the memory of his wide, pleading eyes still haunted her.

As did Scabior's eyes. He was scum, but seeing him in his most vulnerable state, his life being taken by her in less than an instant made her stomach churn in disgust. There were terrible things that had been done to the students and teachers at the school, but they had done unforgiveable things to the Death Eaters as well, including her.

Hermione sighed, staring down at the ground as she sat on the rock just outside of the still damaged Hogwarts, thinking to herself about everything. No one would understand her plight. Anyone who she would talk to, she knew would laugh and tell her that all the Death Eaters deserved it.

The Death Eaters had followed Voldemort, the most feared and hated wizard to ever come into existence besides Salazar Slytherin, and after all the crimes against Muggles, Muggle-borns and half-bloods, and even pure-bloods that advocated the rights of Muggles, Muggle-borns and half-bloods alike, there would be no mercy for any of them.

Hermione knew that no one would mourn any of the Death Eaters, no matter how bloody their deaths were. But Hermione, someone who hated the misery and pain of all creatures and beings, couldn't stop thinking about the actions she had done, or the lives she had taken. Of course, she hadn't killed nearly as many as _any _of the Death Eaters, but that didn't change her feelings.

What was even worse than all that, a part of her….Had…._Enjoyed_ it!

Yes, a part of her had reveled in seeing the Death Eaters, for once on the other side of the wand, to have the tables turned on them for once.

There was even once, a little bit of a sadistic thought, as Hermione had watched Rodolphus Lestrange fall to his death outside of one of the castle's windows, thanks to Minerva McGonagall, that maybe, just maybe the loss of Bellatrix's husband would make her suffer.

Hermione flinched on the rock, scowling at the sea next to Hogwarts. She hated herself even more for that nearly evil thought. When she had seen the Death Eater fall from that window from one of McGonagall's curses, there was triumphant spark of disgusting joy at thinking that his death might elicit tears or anger from Hermione's torturer. And a part of her even now wondered if she were confronted with Bellatrix now, would she like seeing some form of agony on the crazed Death Eater's face over her loss?

It made Hermione grateful that Bellatrix was dead. True, the Death Eater had tortured her, but it wasn't for that reason that Hermione felt better that the lunatic was gone. She was just happy that because Bellatrix was dead, she didn't have this one other thing to gnaw at her mind, this one other possibility of maybe seeing some sort of semblance of reaction to Rodolphus's execution so that she wouldn't feel any sadistic joy.

But Hermione knew that the other reason she was happy that the madwoman died, was because if Bellatrix hadn't died when she did, Tonks would be dead as well.

Hermione smiled at that thought. She knew that she'd never be able to be grateful enough for Molly Weasley. If that woman hadn't killed Bellatrix, Tonks would be dead along with her husband.

That then made Hermione flinch a little, remembering that some part of her mind was happy to know that Remus Lupin had died.

Finally, Hermione shoved her thoughts aside as she leaned back against the tree behind the rock. She couldn't deal with this. She needed a release from all this. A release from the guilt of the people she killed, the guilt of enjoying some peoples' deaths, including one of her own friends, Remus, simply because she wanted his wife. The conflict she felt was almost unbearable.

Although, she had been shown that maybe, though she needed release, that maybe release wasn't the best thing for her. Ron Weasley had proved that to her. She once truly believed that he was her savior, that he would protect her from the abominable memories that assaulted her mind at every turn. But she was wrong. While he did promise he'd save her and he'd help her get past the tragedies of the school, nothing had happened. Now, perhaps, Hermione knew better.

It had been almost a year since the battle of Hogwarts and Hermione was still trying to help rebuild the castle, still trying to help the damage that was done.

But nothing would _really _undo the damage and chaos that had occurred at that castle. Nothing would be able to wash away the blood of all the fallen soldiers, on _both _sides of the war. Nothing.

Still, no one, Hermione knew, would see it that way. They would only mourn the students and the teachers. It seemed she was the only one that thought about the loss on both sides. The only one to think about what it was like, witnessing the corpses of all the Death Eaters, and even feeling _sorry _for them.

Hermione, to be honest was torn. She wanted to hate all the Death Eaters and almost dance like a monster over their ends, but the empathy that she always felt for other beings forced her to be haunted by them as well as Remus instead.

Still, if it weren't for Tonks, she'd probably be a thousand times more miserable now than she used to be. Tonks had been her support for a year and a half now. Besides Hermione's friends, Tonks and Tonks and Remus's son Teddy were the only strength she had here.

She smiled, thinking how she had changed over time since Tonks had come into her life.

She heard footsteps behind her and turned to find none other than Nymphadora Tonks emerging from the dark woods. Well, actually, more like stumbling and tripping past some rocks in the ground and stepping on shiny grass as she came out. Obviously embarrassed, Tonks grinned sheepishly at Hermione, and the younger witch couldn't hide her amusement. Now, Tonks stood up, acting calm and in control, standing there, and playfully smiling at the younger woman.

"So," She chuckled, winking at Hermione, "Are we ready to go? You know, you can't help anything by just sitting there and moping, don't you?"

Hermione couldn't help the wide grin that spread out on her face. Tonks could almost always bring light into any gloomy situation. Tonks was such a wonder, really. No matter how many nightmares Hermione had had, Tonks had always held her at night; comforting her, not caring how much the younger woman kept her up at night.

Hermione observed Tonks shake her head a little, getting her shoulder-length hair, causing the dark red coloring to disappear and be replaced by a bubble gum pink one. She stretched herself out, arms covered by dark red leather along with the rest of her upper torso and legs. She then shot Hermione a catty grin.

"We should go, you know?" She said gently, "Teddy's crying a bit about where his _other _mommy is." Hermione admitted that she actually felt her heart hurt at that. She'd never want to cause Teddy any harm. Her parenting of him along with Tonks had just brought the two of them closer, and Hermione, having maternal instincts that humorously had developed while she was helping Ron and Harry in their youth, used it to fawn over Teddy and looked after him when Tonks was helping with the Order of the Phoenix. There were times, as Hermione took the Order of the Phoenix into consideration, that she had to recall when she and Tonks had first met.

Tonks, even before Hermione realized that she was in love with the older woman, had appeared dashing when they first met. Not just dashing, but charming, playful, rebellious, even kind and protective. Tonks was a very complicated person, much more than one would think. Hermione had always found herself becoming flustered around the older woman, blushing and hoping that the Phoenix member would never see.

Hermione didn't tell Teddy until Teddy could say several sentences in a row with his limited vocabulary, that she had always loved Teddy's mother.

Even now, she felt that was terrible, because of Remus, Teddy's blood father. It was unfair too that she was rearing Remus's child when she had felt her heart breaking in two when she had seen Tonks and Remus together.

However, though Hermione saw only glimpses of it, she had to admit that she had seen small signs of deterioration between Tonks and Remus's relationship throughout the two years that they had been with each other. And no matter how selfish it was, Hermione realized that she had been happy because of it. By the time Tonks had become pregnant with Teddy, she and Remus had started to drift away from each other.

Though Hermione hated seeing Tonks sad, she couldn't say that she was entirely surprised. Remus Lupin was a great man, but there was strangely distant and cold about him, especially when it came to Tonks. Maybe Remus thought he was protecting Tonks; leaving her so that she was safe from Remus's "darker half." Hermione rolled her eyes at that thought. Remus, apparently, was not that different from Ron.

These men, thinking that they could "save" the women from danger and darkness. Ron had thought the same thing when he and Hermione were going out. Though at the time, Hermione had wanted to be released from these memories for a time after the war and she and the ginger haired boy went out, but now she knew a little too much for that foolishness.

Tonks's grin only confirmed her current thoughts, "You know, Hermione, if we want to get that book you've been goin' on about so much, we'd better hurry! The store's already filling up!" She then took a grim glance at the school and added, "Hermione, I know you feel guilty about everything, but you can't change it by sitting and staring." She stepped forwards until she was in front of the rock Hermione was sitting on, offering her hand to Hermione, "Well," She chuckled, leaning down a little, "Come on, Gryffindor Princess, shall we be going, m'lady?"

Though Hermione felt her cheeks heat up terribly, she burst out laughing without any control, reaching up to take Tonks's hand. She couldn't change the past. But then, unlike Ron, Tonks never actually _wanted _to save Hermione like Ron did, did she?

Tonks knew of Hermione's demons. Hermione had begrudgingly told the older woman everything. How she hated herself for the deaths of Voldemort's servants. That she herself had killed some of the Death Eaters and had enjoyed it. That she almost felt happy when Tonks and Remus had split apart, _and _that Remus had died in the war. Tonks had heard all this, and she had just held Hermione.

You see, Tonks didn't want to save Hermione from the darkness, she wanted to live in it _with _Hermione. She didn't want to save her beloved Gryffindor, she wanted to remain at her side and suffer with her. As Hermione took Tonks's hand, she smiled at that thought. Yes, Ron could stand on the outside of the guilt, darkness and death, and act like everything was alright, as could Remus before he died. Ron could act like the war couldn't touch him anymore, even after his own older brother's death, and he could act like he could come and pull Hermione away from the dragon and its danger, but Hermione, in the end, realized that she didn't need that.

Tonks would never act like she could distance herself from the terror and the blood of the incident a year ago. She would never try to pretend that she was unaffected by it all, _just _to act strong and pretend that she was a savior to bring Hermione all the way to the light where the girl was safe. Tonks wanted to accept everything that had happened and live through it with Hermione. Suffer through the aftermath and damage of the storm with Hermione.

Tonks's embraces while they lay in bed next to each other was more than proof of that.

There was a saying that Hermione had heard someone say. It went a little like, "A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is there sitting in the cell with you, patting your back and saying, "dude, we're fucked.""

Hermione knew that that was crude, but that ultimately seemed to be what this was. Ron was a good friend, and Hermione had no doubt that he would have been a good boyfriend, but he, like all men would have acted like the "knight" in shining armor, trying to rise above it all and be a hero to her. That was why Hermione was always lonely with him. It was as if he was trying to be away from the situation she was in; above her. Tonks never did that.

Tonks always suffered with her, laughed with her, cried with her, everything. Tonks never tried to act like she was above the trauma of the war. Hermione didn't need to be saved from falling into the darkness, because Tonks was willing to fall _with _her.

Hermione stood up in front of the smirking, nymph like witch, now finding herself overjoyed and smiling as a result.

"My," Tonks observed, grinning a little wider, "Aren't we cheerful all of a sudden. You know, we talked about something this morning, didn't we? After we get your book, we need to go to George and Angelina Johnson's wedding!"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "You don't have to remind me, Dora. George is like a brother to me, after all. And Angelina is a good friend too. Of course I'd remember and I wouldn't miss it for anything, and of course, we're bringing Ted as well."

George Weasley had grieved, maybe harder than anyone in the Weasley family over his twin's death. But for months after, Angelina had helped him move on. Hermione had to admit that she should have seen it coming. The two of them were close throughout their years at Hogwarts, even before the war broke out.

Tonks grinned, of course. Her bright mood suddenly changed to a mischievous one and added, lifting eyebrow at her lover, "If we're going, I'm going to ask Harry and Ginny to watch Teddy for us while we're there."

Hermione then felt a little concerned. For two reasons; one, why would Ted need to be watched if they would be with him? Even if Harry and Ginny were good with kids. And secondly, why did Tonks have that look? Hermione knew that look all too well and it usually meant trouble.

Almost reading Hermione's mind, Tonks answered her look, "I want Ted to be looked after because I want you to promise me that when we're there, you'll dance with me. After all," Tonks gave a rather amused smirk, "I've never seen you dance before."

Hermione laughed, helpless to the euphoria that surged within her, allowing Tonks to lift her arms a little and twirled around underneath Tonks's arms, the other woman smiling as she helped her young lover twirl a bit till, she moved her arms so that Hermione came to a stop and turned till her back was pressed up against Tonks's chest, Tonks wrapping her arms tightly around the young girl's chest, keeping the younger witch against her.

Tonks grinned down at Hermione, leaning down a little till her mouth was at Hermione's neck, hot breath against the base of her lover's throat. She chuckled when she heard Hermione gasp and felt her lover's head fall back against the older witch's shoulder. Tonks grinned, kissing Hermione's neck and then sucking the skin between her lips and licked at it. At this sudden attack, Hermione jumped in Tonks's arms, gasping even more. Tonks smiled, satisfied, and then released the skin from Hermione's neck.

The smug Metamorphmagus pulled her head up till her mouth was now next to Hermione's ear and she whispered seductively, "I will never let you go."

Hermione shivered in excitement. She leaned her head all the way back against Tonks's shoulder, into the older woman's shoulder length purple-pink hair. Hermione smirked. Yeah, right, like she ever _wanted _Tonks to let her go. Though Tonks had fell pregnant with Remus's child, Tonks made it absolutely clear to the werewolf, after he came crawling back to her that her feelings for him had already started to fade.

Hermione, at the time, hadn't allowed the desperate swell of hope she had that maybe, just maybe Tonks had feelings for her, even as the baby in her stomach was growing to consume her. However, much to her joy, Tonks, even before Remus's death did make some advances towards the younger witch.

Hermione could still remember the day when she was almost sure she was at her happiest. The day, Tonks had in her most charming and flirtatious way possible had brought Hermione some of her favorite flowers; yellow irises and a couple of purple orchids.

After that, Tonks doing small favors for Hermione became almost routine, and it didn't take long before Hermione realized that she was being courted by the Metamorphmagus. She knew that she really hadn't been fair to Tonks during that time. She knew that Tonks wanted her affections and yet she had gone out with Ron for a time. Sure Tonks was with child, due in two months, but Hermione had started realizing that she had seen signs of Tonks's affection for her even before Hermione's sixth year. She had just been too invested in Ron to notice, so Tonks had gone to Remus.

Now seeing what she was lucky enough to have, Hermione buried her face into Tonks's neck, breathing in the scent of the older woman's always changing hair.

"I'm sorry, you know," Hermione sighed, "I know now that you wanted me all that time, but I ignored my own feelings for Ron's sake." She squeezed Tonks's hands that were over her body, "I'll never hurt you again." She smiled, adding, "You don't need to tell me that you won't let me go. I don't want you to."

Tonks chuckled against her, her eyes hidden as she was just pressing the side of her face against Hermione's neck continuously, "Well, that's good to hear. Because I have to tell you, now that I have you, I have no intention of ever giving you up to anyone, especially not to George's brother. I like the kid, but you're mine."

Hermione's aroused mood was interrupted as she burst out laughing again. Tonks was perfectly fine with Ron. Ron of course hated Tonks because he actually believed that if it hadn't been for Tonks then Hermione would be with him, but both women and pretty much everyone else knew that that wasn't the case.

But considering that Tonks had much more authority, being in the Order and all, and being better and more advanced in magic than the Weasley boy, he didn't have much of a chance to go against her.

(Ignoring the fact of course that Hermione once put her wand to his throat and threatened to crucio him into next year if he ever did anything to harm Tonks!)

But besides that, Ron just stayed back and moped.

Everyone had been very supportive of the two womens' relationship, thus far.

Tonks raised her head slowly eyes fixing on the magnificent monument that was the school where both she and Hermione had attended for years. It had almost ages since she herself had spent time here alone in the meadows near Hogwarts. She used to wander on her own through the field away from the castle. Much like Hermione and her two friends.

She smiled and looked to Hermione again, "Do we want to get going now, Mione?" She asked lovingly.

She felt a rough movement, which she realized was caused by Hermione laughing a little, "Yeah, we should probably go. Besides, as you said, the store's probably full by now." Tonks rolled her eyes. Hermione was deliberately avoiding the important subject here, wasn't she?

"Stop living in the past, Hermione," Tonks whispered gently to her lover, "I can't make you forget all that have died or those that you've killed, and I can't forget that I've killed and failed others, but we can live with it and move on. Please, Hermione, let's go."

Hermione smiled to herself. It was true. That was really all she and Tonks could do by this point. Live with it and move on. But again, there was a difference. Ron didn't even want to live with it. He'd act like it never happened so as to act superior to Hermione so he could feel like he was helping her.

Tonks was moving on with life, just as much as she was. Hermione didn't need any hero coming to save her from darkness. She had her knight right here, weathering the storm of trauma right next to her where she belonged. She didn't need to be saved, just loved, truly. And Tonks was more than capable of that.

She squirmed a little, trying to maneuver Tonks's arms. The Metamorphmagus realized what her lover was doing and so lifted her head up and whirled her arms again so as to untangle the younger witch from her grasp. Hermione twirled out from Tonks's embrace, now standing a little distantly from the older woman, but her loving smile still remained.

"We'll go now, right?" Hermione said, looking at her lover with such endearment, "I'd like to see George and Angelina's wedding very much." She added fondly, thinking of their son…Heh, _their _son, such a pleasant thought, "Let's get Teddy, kay? I think he's gotten lonely, being at home with just his uncle Neville looking after him. And since your mother's coming to the wedding, I'm sure he'll love to see his grandmother as well."

Tonks nodded. It was time to head back home, collect Ted and of course Neville, his babysitter too and they'd be attending George's wedding.

Hermione let out a relieved sigh and she started walking, pulling Tonks with her, their feet moving past the flowers shooting out from the ground covered in emerald grass. They began to walk through the forest and as they did, Hermione threw one last glance at the Hogwarts castle, smiling sadly as one more reminder passed through her mind, but she squeezed Tonks's hand reassuringly and they both moved.

She turned back to Tonks and she found her lover smirking and slowly morphing her face into the face of a tiger. Tonks made a gentle rumbling noise, like a purring sound and leaned, rubbing her now furry nose against Hermione's shoulder gently.

Hermione couldn't stop her giggling. Her life was complete with Tonks. When Hermione fell down, it wasn't Tonks that held her hand out and pulled her up, but it was Tonks that fell down with her and struggled with her to get back up again.

Yes, life would go on and so would Hermione and Tonks, together.

**Author's note:**

**Okay, as those that might have read my work before, particularly my previous other Harry Potter fic might know, I get a little repetitious in my dialogues and monologues so sorry about that and let me know if you have a problem with it. No flames please. **

**And yes, I know in the books Tonks's hair was short, but I liked how she looked in the movies better. (shrugs)**

**Now for the pairing, hell I don't know why there aren't more fics of them together. There's so much potential between the two of them when one thinks about it, Hermione's a constant rule following girl that needs to cut loose and Tonks is a playful and even wild and would probably be attracted to that, and I suspect they could find so much more with each other. **

**But I end my rant here. I hope you liked it. **


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